"In fifteen minutes or less I can have this boat sailing." Thought Johnny the bright eyed newbie livaboard sailor as he lay on his back in his sailboat cabins' starboard quarter berth reading, "Adventures on the Turquoise Briny" by Captain Lolly "Lol" Jones.
Suddenly above his head looking down into the cabin from the companionway hatch was Sassy, his gorgeous bubbly blonde friend wearing nothing but her favorite thong bikini and big toothy smile. "Let's go sailing!!" She quickly blurted with super infectious enthusiasm.
"Yeah, let's go sailing." Johnny whispered to himself as he tossed the old dog eared book, climbed up on deck, removed the mainsail cover, hanked on the jib, released the dock lines, pushed the boat off, raised and trimmed the sails, and in less than a minute they were underway beam reaching in ten knots of wind.
"I just wasted the fifteen minute rule." Johnny muttered under his breath.
"Whah jah say Johnny?"
"Beautiful day honey!"
"Yes Johnny it IS a beautiful day!"
_____
After they were underway for a while Sassy went below into the cabin where she saw an open jar of honey on the galley table. In the rush to get underway Johnny didn't stow everything (including the honey). Looking at the open jar Sassy says, "Johnny, whad-ja have for breakfast?"
"This morning I put a little honey in my OOMPH!!" Before Johnny finished his sentence a powerful wind gust hit the boat hard causing it to broach. The jolt caused Sassy to quickly fall forward slamming her left eye into the paper towel rack. The open jar of honey slammed onto the cabin floor breaking into thousands of glass shards stuck everywhere by the honey. "Oww! My eye!!" Screamed Sassy. "Ouch ouch oooooh my feet are bleeding!!"
_____
A few days earlier found Johnny at the local market buying the honey and herb tea. The clerk ringing up his order, Jezebel, had a long standing crush on Johnny but Johnny never noticed her. This finally sent Jezebel into a jealous rage. "I'm gonna get-cha get-cha Johnny." Jezebel thought over and over. Using a black majick book she'd found in a thrift store dumpster she placed a nasty spell over the jars of honey and condemned Sassy to a life of pain. She then cast an attraction spell to make Johnny want none other but her.
Back on board apparently Jezebel's curse was working well.
The boat got blown far out to sea in the storm with Sassy below suffering from severe bleeding and a nasty concussion. Johnny did all he could just to keep the boat afloat.
Eventually the storm passed and a high speed Harbor Patrol boat rushed out to rescue them. Johnny stayed with the boat as Sassy was rushed ashore. Around sunrise Johnny tied up back to the dock and went to visit Sassy in the hospital where she had both feet amputated and the blows to her face gave her permanent disfiguration.
The psychological trauma made Johnny decide he no longer wanted to sail. He tried to get rid of the boat but had no takers, including all the boat donation charities. Everyone thought the boat was cursed. After near endlessly getting screamed at by the marina manager Johnny brought the boat over to a popular mooring area in the harbor, dropped a giant anchor over the side and swam away.
The boat sat in the same location for about a year when a number of homeowners got tired of looking at the ugly floating thing and sent a torrent of complaints to the city. The Harbor Patrol made a huge number of efforts to get rid of the boat but hardly any salvage companies were willing to do the job due to the curse and the few that were willing demanded huge sums of money.
Finally a willing salvage company was found and the boat disappeared much to the delight of the homeowners. In the meantime a new anchoring ordinance was passed by the city council severely limiting the ability to anchor in the very popular location.
Less than a month after Johnny's boat was towed away the members of the salvage crew were all struck by lightning.
Johnny ended up marrying Jezebel but always felt weird about it and they had two children who would always scream whenever they saw a sailboat. Poor Sassy died of gangrene at the exact same time of one of the screaming fits.
_____
This is a fictional tale of horror and I pray none of this ever happens to any of you.
Fair Winds (as always)
Captain Bill
Suddenly above his head looking down into the cabin from the companionway hatch was Sassy, his gorgeous bubbly blonde friend wearing nothing but her favorite thong bikini and big toothy smile. "Let's go sailing!!" She quickly blurted with super infectious enthusiasm.
"Yeah, let's go sailing." Johnny whispered to himself as he tossed the old dog eared book, climbed up on deck, removed the mainsail cover, hanked on the jib, released the dock lines, pushed the boat off, raised and trimmed the sails, and in less than a minute they were underway beam reaching in ten knots of wind.
"I just wasted the fifteen minute rule." Johnny muttered under his breath.
"Whah jah say Johnny?"
"Beautiful day honey!"
"Yes Johnny it IS a beautiful day!"
_____
After they were underway for a while Sassy went below into the cabin where she saw an open jar of honey on the galley table. In the rush to get underway Johnny didn't stow everything (including the honey). Looking at the open jar Sassy says, "Johnny, whad-ja have for breakfast?"
"This morning I put a little honey in my OOMPH!!" Before Johnny finished his sentence a powerful wind gust hit the boat hard causing it to broach. The jolt caused Sassy to quickly fall forward slamming her left eye into the paper towel rack. The open jar of honey slammed onto the cabin floor breaking into thousands of glass shards stuck everywhere by the honey. "Oww! My eye!!" Screamed Sassy. "Ouch ouch oooooh my feet are bleeding!!"
_____
A few days earlier found Johnny at the local market buying the honey and herb tea. The clerk ringing up his order, Jezebel, had a long standing crush on Johnny but Johnny never noticed her. This finally sent Jezebel into a jealous rage. "I'm gonna get-cha get-cha Johnny." Jezebel thought over and over. Using a black majick book she'd found in a thrift store dumpster she placed a nasty spell over the jars of honey and condemned Sassy to a life of pain. She then cast an attraction spell to make Johnny want none other but her.
Back on board apparently Jezebel's curse was working well.
The boat got blown far out to sea in the storm with Sassy below suffering from severe bleeding and a nasty concussion. Johnny did all he could just to keep the boat afloat.
Eventually the storm passed and a high speed Harbor Patrol boat rushed out to rescue them. Johnny stayed with the boat as Sassy was rushed ashore. Around sunrise Johnny tied up back to the dock and went to visit Sassy in the hospital where she had both feet amputated and the blows to her face gave her permanent disfiguration.
The psychological trauma made Johnny decide he no longer wanted to sail. He tried to get rid of the boat but had no takers, including all the boat donation charities. Everyone thought the boat was cursed. After near endlessly getting screamed at by the marina manager Johnny brought the boat over to a popular mooring area in the harbor, dropped a giant anchor over the side and swam away.
The boat sat in the same location for about a year when a number of homeowners got tired of looking at the ugly floating thing and sent a torrent of complaints to the city. The Harbor Patrol made a huge number of efforts to get rid of the boat but hardly any salvage companies were willing to do the job due to the curse and the few that were willing demanded huge sums of money.
Finally a willing salvage company was found and the boat disappeared much to the delight of the homeowners. In the meantime a new anchoring ordinance was passed by the city council severely limiting the ability to anchor in the very popular location.
Less than a month after Johnny's boat was towed away the members of the salvage crew were all struck by lightning.
Johnny ended up marrying Jezebel but always felt weird about it and they had two children who would always scream whenever they saw a sailboat. Poor Sassy died of gangrene at the exact same time of one of the screaming fits.
_____
This is a fictional tale of horror and I pray none of this ever happens to any of you.
Fair Winds (as always)
Captain Bill
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